Feeling Like a Machine and Wanting to Hog

Today during Zumba I realized I could move a little easier and dip lower for the lunges and squats. I was feeling better. I have now stayed for the whole class for two weeks. When I started going consistently 4 weeks ago I only stayed for 20 minutes. I was feeling like a machine and actually got wet eyeballs thinking of how far I've come in a short period of time. I did this. I did this!

Then the drive home started.

It's only a 7 mile drive back home from the gym and it was very emotional. I started the drive home with that great feeling after working out then it went to wanting to eat bad very bad food. How does that happen? I'm feeling great then the food monsters attack me. I cried just fighting the feeling I wanted to eat. All the way home, I saw restaurants I wanted to eat at and I talked myself out of it. I cried because I wanted to be there at the table eating all I wanted. I prayed for control over food and strength. Food is not going to beat me.

Even now in the evening I have a lingering feeling of still wanting to over-indulge. I don't even have junk in the house, but surely I could make something. I think of a hot chocolate, cake, crackers, PBJ. Looks like I want SUGAR.

I'm tired of fighting my food thoughts and cravings. Will they ever slow down? Will I always have to fight so hard? I feel like I make a decision to eat healthy every snack, drink and meal. So much of my determination and thoughts are about making good choices.
Earlier this year, I started to read a book by Joyce Meyer called Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits. I think it's time to pick that up again. I really liked it because she referred a lot to bible. I really love that every thing in life is there in the Bible.

I am reflecting on the improvements I have made and how much stronger I am physically. This takes a lot of self talk. I need to realize that what I have accomplish is because what I have done. No one else did it for me. It wasn't handed to me. I did it for me. I need to celebrate within myself of what I have done. It feels defeating to fight my food monsters. When I feel defeated it's a time to reflect on my accomplishments and thank God for seeing me through this.

This post has been cleansing. Thank you for reading me.